Star Trek: The Original Series: Final Frontier by Diane Carey

Author:Diane Carey
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pocket Books

Part III

Strange New Worlds

Chapter Fourteen

SORROW MARRED THE sympathy on McCoy’s face, tainted even further by guilt. Did he have any right to talk the captain into changing his mind? Did anyone have the right to demand, or even request, the sacrifice of another person’s lifetime? Part of Jim Kirk would always be the captain of the starship. Part of him would remain trapped back in time, where the anguish lived. Other parts of him lived in other places, places and people he had touched over his years of command, people whose lives he had changed by making decisions, by taking his responsibility seriously and doing more than just steering the starship through her missions.

McCoy closed his mouth, having said nothing. In any other condition he could have mocked the self-pity he saw in the captain’s eyes, would have scolded him for getting things out of proportion, would have brought him a drink and insisted he count to twenty before thinking such a thing again.

But he said nothing. His usual cynicism was crushed back. Because he had been the cause of all this.

From the edge of the loft opening, Jim Kirk anticipated McCoy’s objections.

“It isn’t this incident alone,” he said. “But it’s made me aware that I’ve been hiding from myself. I’ve been faking my way through incident after incident since I took command. How long before the odds catch up with me and history is ruined or a civilization is crushed? How long before I make a mistake too big to correct?” He shook his head and squinted into the sunlight. “No more.”

McCoy huffed out his frustration and jabbed a finger at the papers Kirk was holding. “What’s in those damned letters, Jim? Why are they making you talk like this?”

Kirk looked down at the letter he’d been reading when McCoy intruded on the sanctity of the loft. He found the spot where he’d stopped reading, and tried to imagine his father’s voice speaking the words . . .

There are lots of things I could tell you, now that you’re old enough to understand. I’d like to say them in person, but sometimes that’s harder, and I’m not there anyway. Space duty is dangerous, and I may not get the chance to find out what you boys need from old Dad, so I have to guess.

I love you boys. I wish we could be together all the time. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like being in space. You both know that. Just remember that it’s a good job too. I get paid for it. It’s duty, pure and simple. Things aren’t very fancy once you get used to them, but the job still has to be done. I don’t know if I love it anymore, not like I used to. It’s like when the three of us were building the model of the Sea Witch inside the bottle. It’s like trying to get the ship to fit inside the jar and still look good. Sometimes you have to force it.

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